Dear Sports World,

I'm writing this letter to let you know that I am not happy.  I'm not happy because the way I've been treated over the past few years has made me feel like I am a relic in this brave, new world full of sports celebrations. 

Over the past thirty years I've carved out a pretty substantial legacy that includes being the go-to celebration of teams like the Redskins Fun Bunch and even video games like Tecmo Bowl. Yeah that's right, freaking Tecmo Bowl.

Over the last three decades, if you pumped in a goal, scored a touchdown or hit a homerun, you were pretty much guaranteed to see me.  Everyone was doing it.  I remember getting choked up when Maverick and Goose did their personalized variation after a huge spike in their beach volleyball game versus Slider and Iceman.  I was not only big in the real sports world, I was even big in homoerotic rec sports as depicted by Hollywood.

Hell, I even have my own Wikipedia page. 

But apparently that hard-earned legacy has been tossed aside for crap like the fist bump or even worse, this "jump and bump" mess.  Now I constantly get to see players jumping up like they're going for a high five only to ram into each other like cavemen.  Even douchebag coaches are getting in on that action. 

I want you, sports world, to know that I don't need you.  I can and will move on to be the exclusive celebration of people in politics, Hollywood and the business world, no matter how awkward they are when trying to execute me.  The handshake better watch it's back, because I'm coming for it.

So it's decision time, sports world.  Am I the number one celebration of choice or not?   

No one leaves me hanging.

Sincerely,

The High Five

Doing some digital house-cleaning this week at the JoeSportsFan.com headquarters and came across this little nugget of personalized jersey goodness.



We've covered the phenomenon of "his/her personalized jerseys" in the past and this is, well, taking spousal game attire to another level.

One thing that REALLY surprises us: from the picture on the left, it looks like the couple got married in a traditional setting....and slapped on the jerseys at some point for a signature photo op.  Surprising.  Frankly, if you're going to go through with the whole BRIDE/GROOM jersey investment, you might as well get married at a hockey game with 20,000 drunken, mulleted friends.

Although, we're guessing that their traditional wedding setting may not have been much different.

One thing we would NOT surprise us: we're guessing that the couple wore their respective jerseys at their bachelor/bachelorette parties.  Seems logical.  Our fan hunters didn't send in frontal pictures, but we're guessing that the GROOM jersey has a Captain "C" patch and his best man has a jersey with an Alternate/Assistant Captain "A" patch.

Much like the sports media industry, the machine that is Hollywood is no stranger to the use of snappy lines to get the reader's attention.  And in case you hadn't heard, the movie industry's Super Bowl took place last night, with the small film "The Hurt Locker" beating out James Cameron's mammoth Dances with Wolves ripoff, "Avatar" for Best Picture. 

When a movie with such a pun-friendly name runs off with the big award, it becomes prime territory for headline savants like the New York Post to go to work.  Which, to the surprise of no one, they did...

 

But this site isn't JoeHollywoodFan.com, we focus on the sports world here (well, sort of).  And we'll put sports headlines up against Hollywood, politics, tech sites, whoever wants a piece of the action.  One reason is because of the crossover appeal.  You will rarely see a movie site dropping sports references in their puns, but sports isn't afraid to dip into movieland for material. 

While the font size may be unusually small for a winner of the Monday Morning Sports Headline Challenge, we applaud FoxSports.com for having the foresight to create a can't miss formula:

The name of one of the 37 movies nominated for Best Picture + a photo that suits it (even if said photo shows a potentially life threatening situation) = Monday Morning's award winning headline. 



For that reason, even though they put their chips on a movie that didn't take home any significant awards, we still give FoxSports credit for finding some way to work the Oscars into a sports story that had literally nothing to do with them.

(And don't you dare tell us that the headline writers didn't know exactly what they were doing.  That's insulting to their craft.)

March 8, 1977

33 years ago today, Jonathon "Mox" Moxon, the legendary quarterback of West Canaan High School, was born into this world.  He was a bit irreverent at times, but portrayed an eclectic mix of athleticism, leadership, determination and knowledge of the Oopty-Oop.

Mox was solely responsible for the dismissal of Bud Kilmer, who brought two state titles and 22 district championships to West Canaan high school.



Oddly enough, Dawson Leery also celebrates his birthday on March 8th.

Weird.

Anytime someone from a past random list makes the news during the week, it means it’s time to dust off that list, update it, and run it again.  This week it’s the most famous athletes-turned-politicians, first run a couple of years ago during the presidential election.  Don’t worry, they are already getting candidates ready for 2012, for those who don’t die because of the apocalypse that everyone is warning us about.

7. Jerry Lawler

He made a run as a mayoral candidate in his home city of Memphis and got 12% of the vote.  It makes perfect sense that the most wrestling-crazed city’s most-loved hometown wrestler can’t win the election for mayor, but another wrestler can win the highest office in the state of Minnesota.  The best part about the mayoral election was that there was a scandal involving Lawler having naked pictures of his then-wife, the former Miss Kitty in the WWF, on his website.  Lawler defended them and attacked his opponent, saying that he was just jealous.  Awesome.

6. J.C. Watts

A former Oklahoma quarterback, Watts is best known now as the last black Republican to serve in Congress.  He also makes frequent appearances on the Sean Hannity radio show, who always seems very proud to know Watts.

5. Jim Bunning

He is a Hall of Fame pitcher and threw two no-hitters, including a perfect game.  As a politician, it is fitting that he got in through the Veterans Committee.  He made news this week after objecting to extend unemployment benefits to people who were about to be dropped from the rolls.  What is the baseball equivalent to that?  The catcher appealing every single pitch to the first base umpire?  The manager coming out after every play to ask the umpire to appeal to one of his partners?