For those who have been readers of JoeSportsFan.com since the days of the puke-brown background and horrible graphics, you know that the Media Circus is one of the longest running staples of the site.  More than anything, its endurance is a testament to the level of absurdity that the sports media creates each week.  There is no more sure-fire source of humor than watching/reading/listening to the collective announcers, studio hosts, journalists and everyone else that makes up the wildly oversimplified entity that we know as the "mainstream media".

In honor of their performance this past calendar year, today we present to you the Media Circus Craptacular 2008, featuring some of our favorite quotes, segments and anything else that we enjoyed documenting in the past twelve months.

GENERAL HEADSCRATCHERS

"I don't want to be overly dramatic, but sometimes that's my job." - Tony Kornheiser

"Cole Hamels has a wonderful change-up and for that reason he doesn't always throw it to lefthanded batters." – Tim McCarver

"I love listening to Tim McCarver. He's the best." - Terry Bradshaw

"I'm not looking for contrarian arguments. I'm just saying what I think. I try to be the conscience of our show. Everybody tends to overreact to the news of the night. I try to sit back and see the bigger picture truth. You can ask anyone I work with, I'm going to say what I feel." – Skip Bayless

This is quote that Bayless logged two weeks after he said Giants coach Tom Coughlin’s decision to play his starters in Week 17 of the 2008 NFL season was the single dumbest coaching decision of all time. Either Skip is lying with his personal assessment, or he’s a huge moron. Or maybe both.
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"You look at this football team, this football team is a complete football team. They can beat you any way they want. They can run it down your throat. Eli Manning can distribute it to multiple receivers. This is a great football team, and an aggressive football team and that's one of the things I like the most about this football team. Last week they go up 24-3 against the Seahawks, and they blitz four straight times on the defensive side of the football. This is a good football team. I think an underrated football team." - Mark Schlereth, Football Announcer

"Two words to describe this (Missouri Tigers) offense: 'don't blink', or 'touchdown.'" - D'Marco Farr

D'Marco, "touchdown" isn't two ... you know what, screw it. It ain't worth it. This is the same man who thinks "Advil" is two words. D'Marco has counting problems.
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"The Phillies are going to have to try to outscore their opponents or they'll be in trouble." - Joe Morgan

"This principle (Christian faith) is partly what makes (Shaun) Alexander a pillar in his community and a pariah to some NFL general managers... Football is not Alexander's first love. Maybe if playing football was his only goal, some GMs wouldn't have called Alexander, 30, washed up." - Shannon J. Owens, Orlando Sentinel

Or maybe if Alexander wouldn't have averaged 3.5 yards per carry in '06 and '07, he wouldn't have been called 'washed up'. The 2008 trial in D.C. didn't help matters either.
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"Yet the Cubs are positioned nicely to end their century-long World Series title drought. Getting through the NL playoffs shouldn't be daunting." - Steve Henson, Yahoo! Sports

"One of many teams tough to beat at home, and 43 of their last 81 games are at Miller Park." (wow! A whopping 53%!) - Henson

"It doesn't appear the Phillies would be a strong World Series representative – they lost 9 of 12 in a late-June interleague swing." - Henson

The Royals, who finished 13-5 in Interleague play, did a much better job in the World Series than the Phillies.

OVER REACTION AT ITS FINEST

"I never thought I'd say this, but maybe Kyle Orton is the answer." – Clark Judge, after Week 1

Clark Judge obviously forgot about the 2006 season, when another Bears quarterback stormed onto the scene only to finish in reality.
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"I think this is going to have implications. You have to knock (the Colts) out of Super Bowl consideration." - JA Adande

"I think the window has closed on (the Colts). I think we saw the gradual end for this era for the Colts." - Bob Ryan

After starting the season a disastrous 0-1, the Indianapolis Colts folded up shop to finish the season ... 12-4.
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"The Patriots are done. Belichick might scrap and claw them to seven victories."– Pete Prisco

"This is why Dre Bly is talking about the Greatest Show on Turf. Look at all the weapons (the Broncos have): Royal, Marshall, Scheffler. It's everywhere." - Michael Smith

Someone should tell Dre and Michael that the Greatest Show on Turf actually made the playoffs and averaged more than 23 points a game.
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"(The Chargers) were a few plays from going to the Super Bowl. They were better than New England last year. And what happened, they're 0-2. They're in trouble." - Bill Plaschke

The beauty of this quote, in addition to the fact that Plaschke thought the Chargers were better than the Patriots in 2007, is the certainty that the Chargers are in trouble because, oddly enough, a few plays left San Diego at 0-2 to start the season. Irony at its finest, people.
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“If he stays healthy the whole season, he's the comeback player of the year." – Eduardo Perez on Juan Gonzalez's attempted spring training comeback with Cardinals in 2008.

Shockingly, just days after ESPN's Perez made this bold prediction, Juan Gonzalez was injured in Cardinals spring training and never made his destined run at the Comeback Player of the Year Award.
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"I'm shutting Joba (Chamberlain) down, this guy has a Hall of Fame career as did Kerry Wood, but Kerry Wood has been fighting arm issues for the last ten years because the Chicago Cubs ran him out there until his arm blew and I'm afraid that's what is going to happen here with Joba Chamberlain." – Mark Grace

Mark might be playing fast and loose with the term "Hall of Fame career".

EAST COAST BIAS

As non-New Yorkers, we feel that it’s our duty to dislike New York sports.  With the Yankees and Knicks constantly being crammed down our throats, it’s a natural reaction really.

But one area we’ve always appreciated is the completely conscious-free newspapers that flood the city.  As those who read this column regularly can probably attest, we’re not typically big supporters of sensationalistic journalism…unless it’s funny.  And the New York Post is funny.  Because frankly, where else can you see a legitimate newspaper call an opposing quarterback a "girlie man"?



OUR FAVRE

With all the hoopla surrounding Our Favre in 2008 -- from his dramatic battle with the Packers upon his "return" to the NFL to the recent negative comments from his Jets teammates -- we felt that one segment from the Media Circus was able to sum up why we continue to believe that the American sports media's love affair with him is unmatched by any other professional athlete playing today.

Shortly after his most recent retirement at the end of the '07-'08 season,  ESPN's Wright Thompson - not a well-publicized Favre-ite - wrote an emotional column about His Favreness entitled "Brett, we miss you already"

Here are the things Thompson went on the record saying that he'll miss about Favre in order of ridiculousness as judged by us:

5.) “turning Southern traits into something positive…Brett Favre is a farm and I think, deep down, we all miss our agrarian roots”

We don’t miss our agrarian roots at all. In fact, we didn't even know we had them.

4. ) “the television folks calling him a gunslinger”

Oh they’ll still call him a gunslinger when he's gone, it will just be in the reference to him they shoe horn into the broadcast every time Aaron Rodgers drops back to pass.

3.) “the picks…he wanted to win so badly he was willing to lose.”

If only all players could be lauded for their loads of mistakes on the field.  We remember when he threw six picks versus the Rams in the 2001 playoffs.  Apparently, he wanted to win reallllyyy badly that day.

2.) “the pills, the drinking and the stories about rehab…in his imperfections lay his humanity”

It’s amusing to read lines like this and think about the hundreds of other NFL players who have had issues with drugs, alcohol or other missteps.  It sure seems like none of their imperfections were viewed as simple demonstrations of their humanity.

1.) “the fart jokes”

Wright Thompson is going to miss fart jokes about Brett Favre.  We seriously have no clue how to respond to this, we just know that Favre’s farts probably smell like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.

SEXUAL, PERVERSE AND COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY

As part of an epic close to the 2006 end of the year Craptacular, Peter King and Peter Gammons shattered the barrier between news and unnecessary details. Gammons reported that Roger Clemens rubbed Icy Hot on his rocket junk while Peter King recanted personal colonoscopy tales.

Ken Rosenthal apparently enjoyed those pieces, and decided he'd vy for this year's title of "most unnecessary". He succeeded.

"(Jamie) Moyer had a severe stomach virus. Friday night, on the eve of his first World Series start, it was a really rough night for him. Not only did he have that stomach problem, he was sweating profusely. His wife Karen told me, 'it was so bad, I had to change the sheets twice. He ruined two pillows. Our comforter is at the cleaners.'"

Thanks Ken. Much appreciated.

Fun w/ innuendo

"Michael Phelps getting the muscles loose for his next semi." - Dan Hicks

"It's not all about length." - Dan Hicks.

"You have to look for something hard." - Joe Morgan, on facing Brad Lidge

"More than anything, I like his body" - Joe Morgan on Ryan Braun

"The writer interviewed 146 players for the book, unearthing details such as Charles Haley's fondness for exposing his genitals to teammates. It's a delicious read."- Richard Deitsch, SI Media Circus

"Howard is one of those guys that just likes to bang you on the inside."- Bill Raftery

Report: Ron Jaworski is aroused by football

If there was a statistical category for sexually tense quotes from announcers, Ron Jaworski would be the perennial favorite every year. Enjoy a sampling of Jaws' football lust...

"Last week, (Donovan McNabb) was really stroking it against the Rams!"

"(McNabb) is just stroking that ball in there!"

"Look at how (Jay Cutler) rotates the spheroid!"

"(Vince Wilfork) is a plugger up front!"

"And you can see, Derek Anderson is starting to feel it!"

"The Ravens bring in their heavy offensive package -- and it is a heavy offensive package!"

John Madden has a new crush

Ask your fellow football fan what player John Madden man-loves the most and odds are you'll get the standard Favre answer. After sitting though a Sunday night telecast featuring the Cowboys, it was made apparent that Favre is no longer the only heartthrob for John Madden.

The evidence:

"You know he's special."

The special player and person that kindles that special kind of romance.

"That's when I knew he was my guy."

A big, athletic football player running without a helmet on can sweep anyone off their feet.

"He does everything that a tight end has ever done."

"If I had to choose, I'd take Jason Witten and say 'you come with me and we'll go play. You name the game."

"This guy does it all from every position."

Who knew?

BOB CARPENTER MEMORIAL SNAPPY LINE OF THE YEAR

Throughout the past 365 days there have been many attempts by media members to get on Mr. Carpenter's good side by offering up a masterpiece of wit known as the snappy line.  Nothing brings a smile to the Bobber's face quite like a well-crafted snapper...well, maybe a surprise airing of "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" on Disney, but the snapper is a close second.

So when Sports Reporters panelist Mitch Albom unleashed this world class snappy paragraph it was all Bob could do to keep from misting up when he gave it a standing ovation in his living room.  We present, the Snappy Line of the Year...

"If its that easy to change names, then we can do it too.  For example, when Chad has a lousy game he can be Ocho Stinko, when he loses the ball in the sun he's Ocho Blinko, when he bad mouths a teammate Ocho Finko, when he takes herbal supplements Ocho Ginko, goes to China Ocho Yao Minko.  And lest the former Mr. Johnson gets upset that someone on TV is acting as foolish and non-serious about the start of football season as he is just remember, Chad, Ocho Winko."

Rest assured, Mitch, anytime you come to his hometown, Bob will have a tall, frosty mug of orange soda with your name on it.

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Patrick Imig. They swear this stuff is real. Email them at info@joesportsfan.com.