If we had run a Mustache Nation poll yesterday to guess where today's ceremonial first bratwurst would be handed, any given athlete from Cleveland would have received votes - seeing as the Browns were on Monday Night Football against the Eagles.

Sure enough, our bratwurst will be going out to Cleveland, but it's not for the Browns' 30-10 loss in Philly. Our plump, juicy Johnsonville is going out to Cedric Jackson and the Cleveland State Vikings, for defeating number 11 Syracuse at the Carrier Dome, 69-66 on Jackson's 60 foot shot as time expired.

If I was Mike Lupica, I'd write 1,000 words about the irony in that: while Cleveland's Browns got beat down by Donovan McNabb on Monday Night Football, Cleveland State's Vikings shocked McNabb's alma mater at the Carrier Dome.

Thankfully, none of us are Mike Lupica. Thankfully.

(Check out the video here)




December 16

1964 - Billy Ripken is born and becomes a true renaissance man 25 years later by scribbling profanities on his own bat before posing in front of the Fleer photographers.  The card went down in infamy.  Ripken recently described the events.

1973 - OJ Simpson becomes the 1st NFLer to rush for 2,000 yards in a season.  So many jokes, so little time.  Instead, here's some classic, non-jailed OJ in "Naked Gun".

1983 - Again, very slow day for "current events".  Damn December.  Nothing ever happens.  Thus, we resort to Rule 9.iii of the "Bloggers Handbook" which encourages working in a picture of some attractive strumpet when nothing else is going on.   That's Danielle Lloyd over there to the right.  She's hot, is from England and apparently dates English soccer players.  Riveting.



As we all know, Texas Stadium is in it's final months of existence as the home of the Dallas Cowboys. But did you know that God is a Cowboys fan? It's true. Former linebacker D.D. Lewis said as much back in the day, "Texas Stadium has a hole in its roof so God can watch his favorite team play."

The Star-Telegram believes that line alone helped feed the idea of the Dallas Cowboys as God’s gift to sports, pro football and society. The team does play its games on Sundays. For those who already hated the Dallas Cowboys, such a line and its popularity gave them another solid reason to loathe America’s Team even more... More than 35 years after he said it, Lewis has no choice but to laugh when told that he alone carries the responsibility for making God a Cowboys fan, and Texas Stadium His preferred venue on Sundays.

If God really wanted to watch the Cowboys every Sunday, he wouldn't need a hole in the roof. Pretty sure he could have created the Deity version of NFL Sunday Ticket. Duh.



... Sam Bradford would not have walked out of the ceremony with the Heisman trophy. See because as soon as his name was announced and he took the stage to say a few words, Bradford got ambushed by two men wearing masks. As the two culprits attacked Bradford until he was face down on the stage nearly unconscious, Tim Tebow rushed to the front to get the attackers off of Bradford.

The two men voluntarily backed away as the unthinkable happened: Tebow picked up Bradford and slammed him through the podium. He then picked up the Heisman trophy and screamed "IT'S MINE! THAT TROPHY IS MINE!", the culprits removed their masks to reveal themselves as Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson. All three of them did the Heisman pose in unison, signaling an obvious alliance.

But that's not all. In the most despicable act of the evening, Tebow and his henchmen abused Bradford's Native American heritage and scalped some of his hair. The three walked out of New York City with the Heisman trophy, and Bradford's dignity - in a ziplock bag.



In our latest featured video, we did a little "mocking" of ESPN's willingness to feature rogue "sports" like poker on their network - but we ran across one event that we think we would be interesting.  Bubble blowing.  Who among us hasn't tried the grandiose bubble-inside-bubble trick? Now *that* takes real skill.





The NFL provided a bountiful heaping of ridiculous quotes this past weekend ... and Jim Haslett touching himself.