The most lopsided game in the NFL this past weekend offered up quite a study in the dynamics of Tailgating.  In East Rutherford, NJ, the resurgent Jets pounded the Rams by a college-esque score of 47-3.

If this game was a true tailgate, the roles would be pretty well-defined...

Thomas Jones was the guy who brings everything.  You need ketchup for you dog?  He brought it.  Got some fancy beer that needs a bottle opener?  He happens to have one of those too.  He even brought a freaking satellite dish so that everyone can watch the pregame.  Jones went for 149 yards rushing, 3 touchdowns and completely set the tone for the game by chewing up over 50 yards on the first touchdown drive.

Brett Favre was the guy who brings his "famous" chili and the whole day, everyone raves about the chili like it's the greatest thing they've ever tasted all because that's what they've been told over and over again how many awards its won and how great it is.  Instead, that chili really tastes sort of like Hormel.  Favre threw only 19 times for 167 yards and had 1 touchdown.  Twice he threw the ball directly at Rams defensive backs only to watch it fall to the ground thanks to their stone hands.  And despite the fact that Favre didn't carry the offensive load on this day, Fox's camera's somehow made their way onto him at every possible moment.

Jay Feely was the guy who brought the incredible chicken wing dip, only everyone thought Favre made it.  With time expiring in the first half, Jay Feely kicked a franchise record 55-yard field goal and who do they show celebrating on the way to the tunnel?  Not Feely, but Favre.  Without his Favreness, no way Feely makes that.

Eric Mangini was the guy with man-boobs.  That really doesn't have anything to do with a tailgate, but he does have man-boobs.

Rams coach Jim Haslett was the guy who's contribution was one bag of chips that gets eaten in ten minutes.  It looked like he was the answer early, but as the weeks go on, it's appears more and more like he doesn't bring anything to the table.

Quarterback Marc Bulger is sort of like the guy who claims he's going to come to the Tailgate and hang out the entire morning, only then calls to tell you that he thinks the parking lot is in too dangerous of a neighborhood and he's just going to meet you at the game.   Then he skips the game too. Pansy.

You know what, none of this makes any sense.  All you need to know is that, after a three week stint as a competitive team, the Rams are back to being horrific and its going to take a lot for them to get invited to this Tailgate again.



November 10

1928 - Playing against Army at Yankee Stadium, Notre Dame football coach Knute Rockne gives what is considered the greatest locker room speeches of all time by saying "Win one for the Gipper." The Fighting Irish would win the game 12-6. Gee, that speech really helped the offense.

1959 - Linda Cohn, ESPN sports anchor, is born. Linda is most famous for becoming the first full-time U.S. female sports anchor, in 1987. Regardless of what he tells you, John Clayton has never "gotten jiggy" with her.

1969 - "Sesame Street" debuts on PBS. Since then, athletes from Jackie Robinson and Joe Namath...to David Beckham and Venus Williams have appeared on the show, spreading their infinite wisdom of the world. For instance, Mr. Beckham teaching Elmo about "persistence". Oscar-worthy performance. Ha - "Oscar". Get it? Because that green son of a bum is named Oscar.

2029 - JoeSportsFan.com reprints this exact installment of "This Day in History".



Mark May, ESPN - Ultimately, Mark's fantasies always lead him to the same place; imagining walking into an Eddie Bauer dressing room, only to find a Claire Huxtable completely nude.



( CLICK HERE FOR THE ENTIRE O-FACE COLLECTION )



The Worthless Perverts

Duane Ward is an integral part of the pervert wing of the Worthless Card Collection. His contributions to baseball and society should not go unnoticed.

Unconfirmed player note: Ward was put under 24 HR bullpen surveillance when coaches caught him sniffing the underpants and jockstraps of teamates Tom Henke and Mark Eichorn.

We suppose that's better than teammates catching you pleasuring yourself to an episode of The Facts of Life.



The Monday Football Column, Week 10: The Saints get up close and personal with "Vintage Jeremy Shockey". And don't look now (you cheated, you looked), but a certain NFC North head coach has implemented the TECMO BOWL playbook.