Last night on FOX's BCS Results Show, instead of focusing on the worthless nature of the BCS and the lack of a college playoff system, host Chris Rose suggested that Texas quarterback Colt McCoy would be better off mustache-free. The American Mustache Institute immediately took this issue up with Fox Sports president David Hill.

Mr. Hill,

Greetings and Happy Holidays from the American Mustache Institute (AMI), although I wish I could be writing you regarding a more pleasant subject.

Last night on Fox's erstwhile BCS Results Show, fledgling host Chris Rose suggested that Colt McCoy -- the University of Texas quarterback who is a former Mustached American having grown a "unity" mustache last summer -- would be better served to not revive his lower nose garment for the BCS National Championship Game.

In short, Mr. Rose suggested that Texas could not defeat Alabama if McCoy were to grow a labia sebucula, which as you know is Latin for "lip sweater."

And while we assume the bare-lipped Mr. Rose found his own remarks to be of some witty value, people of Mustached American descent did not. We were shaking our collective mouth brows in disgust. Mr. Rose's comments were indeed insensitive, and thoroughly offensive as it subconsciously suggested that members of the Mustached American community were incapable of great leadership at starling moments of time.

Clearly, we understand that Mr. Rose is incapable of understanding the challenges and virtues of the Mustached American lifestyle as he suffers from Bare Upper Lip Disorder (BULD), which plagues 18.5 percent of American men. And because of this ignorance, he cannot comprehend the robust athletic capabilities of a Mustached American -- just ask Mark Spitz, Mike Schmidt, Hulk Hogan, Conrad Dobler, or film director John Waters.

We would request that Mr. Rose, while wearing a fake mustache on Fox's airwaves, make an apology to the Mustached American community for his insensitive remarks. We would also suggest he seek counseling in the form of sensitivity training from a Certified Mustacheologist, which AMI can supply if necessary.

Again, sorry to write you on such a disturbing matter, and we hope that you take swift, brutal action in remedying this situation.

Carry on.

Dr. Abraham Jonas Froman
Chief Executive Officer
The American Mustache Institute
(877) STACHE-1